I sat next to a lady in a bus yesterday, and she looked moody. She was pretty, so I was kind of wondering why she wouldn't relax the face. Her phone kept ringing but she wouldn't answer. The caller's saved name was 'Bae'.I really wanted to mind my business, but I couldn't. I was curious. Her phone rang again, and I drew her attention to it.
"I know!" she said
And then the phone rang again. She wouldn't pick.
"I know it's none of my business but ...”
"Excuse me, Sir, I'm in no mood to talk." she warned
"Okay, I'm sorry about that. By the way, you look very beautiful in that blue dress. It looks good on you."
She shook her head gently, and then, smiled. She really was beautiful.
"Thank you. I'm sorry for talking to you in that tone. I'm having issues at home and ...”
"That's understandable." I said, "You don't have to explain yourself to me."
Her phone rang again, but she wouldn't pick. She looked at me, and then smiled. I smiled back, softly. And then I started talking to her about the fact that, I did believe people are capable of being sincerely sorry and determined never to commit the wrong act again. I also told her, I do believe people make genuine mistakes and upon realizing what they did, they feel such horrid guilt they will never do it again.
I shared also - my belief that, there are people so wicked they do not have the ability to understand what they did was wrong and thus, regardless of what they say, do not physically, mentally or emotionally have what it takes to refrain from the wrong again.
Meaning, there is no one approach for all situation. It would strictly depend on the person involved, what they did, what they've done to prove their sincere sorrow and if you feel you can let go and trust them again.
"What my husband did to me cuts so deep that I feel I cannot forgive. I would hold it over him always and my heart could never fully trust him again. Even if he proves he is truly sorry and has changed. He would not 'deserve' forgiveness in my eyes." she cried.
You know the irony in all this? She was returning home from Church, I wasn't.
The husband called again, but she wouldn't answer, so I pitched in to her again that, I felt people deserved another chance, just as much as she equally deserved happiness. And so I asked her what would make her happy? A fresh start or the assurance that she tried to make things work, the best she could, with her husband?
I assumed that she shared a long history with the husband, as friendship and then dating would have not happened overnight.
"I've known him for 14 years. We've been together for 10." she said
So, during this period, this man ought to have done many things right, that she stuck by for so long. And he would've also done some things wrong, because that's what people do.
Giving your partner a second chance, is just as much giving yourself another one. Because you'll be giving the relationship another shot, and not the people involved. It's not a one person game.
People change. It's not an option. With time, they always do. That goes for the lady too. Given sufficient time, the other person would have changed for sure, but so would have this woman, sitting by me.
The changed versions of both the man and the woman, might be a perfect match, or it might turn out worse. You'll be starting with past baggage that slows down the path to change for the better, as one tries not to evaluate oneself from the past. To not do the same mistakes, and to do the right thing. This stops you from moving on. So considerably more effort and understanding needs to be involved from both parties.
Phone rang again, and she just stared at it, and then ignored it. She turned to me, and asked whether or not to answer if he called again.
Everyone deserves a second chance. Usually people with enough conscience and responsibility, when they do something that they've been told is wrong, apologize. It is silly to just get away with the wrongly done thing. Every apology deserves to be forgiven as sincere as the apologizer pleads guilty.
When we refuse to forgive a person who sincerely apologizes, it can lead to development of guilt complex, making more and more troubles. Also, unforgiven people tend to be more depressive, anxious, and upset, or aggressive, outraged and insane. It is the way how karma works. I asked her if she genuinely loved her husband.
"I love him very much." she said.
"Then, answer his call and hear him out."
"But all he's going to say is, he's sorry... And, I'm tired of hearing that all the time." she cried
"You are not obligated to trust him again, if you don't want to. It's not by-force to trust people you can't trust. Just believe he is truly sorry. Believe his apology; don't trust him."
She kept quiet for over a minute, and then called her husband back.
This life is not a rehearsal. Everything is real and we need to figure out exactly how to deal with things realistically. People might deserve what comes at them, but second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, tenth, nineteenth, thirty-first chances are rare.
David Papa Bondze- Mbir (2016)
#HowManyTimesShouldOneBePardoned?
